it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
