i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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