On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
