in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I licked your asshole in confidence.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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