a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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