Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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