But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
