just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
