Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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