I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
