i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize