Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
