I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
