i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
