My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Let's get the cat blown out
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
