I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize