I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
