Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
