I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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