Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
