Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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