Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
