I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
