Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
