Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
