tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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