Please, let me fuck your mom
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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