Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
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