i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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