it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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