i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We are all done wearing pants today
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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