DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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