There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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