I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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