I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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