i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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