remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
