ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
