I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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