i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
