How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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