Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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