Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
