R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
