awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
