after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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