just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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