Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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