I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
