Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Hippo gnu deer
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
