i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize