Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
