If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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