Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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