My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
