Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
