she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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