32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
