Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
