She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize