Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize