the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
