She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
