he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
