Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
