Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize