i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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