girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
